AN ILLICIT AFFAIR GONE AWRY
« on: May 17, 2009, 07:27:39 AM
»
Ekene met Kenneth when she
was still a student in one of the
universities in the South West.
His niece who was her friend
and school mate took her to his
office one day and when she
was leaving they exchanged
phone numbers.
Obviously the so-called niece was
not much in love with Kenneth‘s
wife because as Ekene‘ recalled,
she encouraged her friend to
date her uncle. She said, ”She
kept telling me that her uncle
was a very generous man who
would take care of me and that
his wife would not dare do
anything. That was how I started
dating Kenneth who then was a
production manager in a
manufacturing company. And
true to my friend‘s words, he
really took care of me. I
wondered if he ever spent any
time or affection on his wife
because he was all over me.
”Many weekends he would leave
Lagos and come and spend
weekend with me while I was
still a student. I would leave my
hostel to spend nights with him
in a hotel whenever he was in
town. Anytime I needed money, I
would tell him and he would
send it to my account without
any hassles.
”The relationship continued even
after I left school. I was like his
wife as he was even spending
more time with me than he spent
on his wife and children. After
about two years of dating him, I
got pregnant and though he
wanted me to abort the baby I
insisted I wanted to have it. I
didn‘t want to be a second wife,
and he didn‘t even propose but
because I had tasted the good
life I felt having a child for me
would ensure that he perpetually
catered for my needs. And to be
fair to him, he was very caring
throughout the time the
pregnancy lasted and I was
better taken care of than many of
my friends who were legally
married. I guess at a point his
wife realised he was having
extramarital affairs but couldn‘t
do anything about it. After 18
months, I had another child for
him, making it two boys and
with that, I assumed that my
relationship with him was sealed.
“Therefore I was surprised when
after my second son‘s first
birthday he started behaving
funny. He would hardly visit me
and the children. And each time I
offered to visit him, he would
come up with one excuse or the
other. It is almost two years now
and even though we speak on
phone once in a while and he
sends money for his children‘s
upkeep, I haven‘t set my eyes on
him. Anytime I complained, he
would remind me that he was a
married man (as if he didn‘t
know that when he was carrying
on with me). Now I don‘t really
know what to do because it is
obvious he is not interested in
me again. But how do I cope
because I don‘t really have a
good job, have never made
enough efforts to get one
because he had always been
taking care of my bills.”
As she later said, right now, her
friends are advising her to meet
the wife and let her know what
has been going on for the past
five years.
Ekene‘s story can be said to be
very typical. But then it is very
unfortunate that many women
continue to allow themselves to
be used by randy men who have
proved incapable of controlling
the contents of the trousers.
Many of these married men who
date other women don‘t do it
because they no longer love their
wives (even though sometimes
they tell lies to their mistresses
about how they could no longer
get it up with their wives and
those women believe). You see
the majority of these men simply
believe they are just having fun
and displaying their big boy
status by engaging in extra-
marital affairs. And no thanks to
our culture which over the years
have continued to condole
excesses from men, they do get
away with such destructive
habits
But having said that, I also think
it is high time women and girls
began to reap whatever they
have sown without much
whining. Many of the women in
Ekene‘s shoes didn‘t go into
adulterous relationships because
they love the men (there can be
exceptions though but it is still
not right). More often than not, it
has been a case of a woman
seeing the man as a meal or
social ticket. They get involved
with married men knowing full
well the possible consequences
of their actions, that they could
eventually break the men‘s
homes. But do they usually care?
No way, they are only interested
in what they can get and too bad
if the man‘s marriage is
destroyed in the process.
Now Ekene is crying foul because
her lover boy has probably come
to his senses and realised that
his wife didn‘t deserve his
infidelity. The question I usually
ask women like Ekene is how
they would react if they were in
their lover‘s wife‘s shoes. Of
course they won‘t take it, yet,
they inflict such pains on other
women and expect things to
continue to be rosy. What an
irony.
But it suffices to say here that
since her illicit affair with her
lover have produced two
children already (without his
wife‘s knowledge) the man is
bound by moral and legal
obligation to take care of those
children. But to expect him to
abandon his wife yet again in
order to make her happy, would
definitely be asking for too much.
And for what is worth, telling his
wife won‘t really achieve much.
Even if the woman gets angry
and leaves her marriage, be sure
that it won‘t bring her former
lover running to her.

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